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Hello chaps! My my, you’re looking dashing today! Ironed shirt, clean fingernails, shoes not trainers… you must be going on a date?wpid-IMG_20131031_171107.jpg

As a girl who has experienced first dates ranging from romantic whirlwind to utter disaster, I feel it is my duty to give the fellas a few tips. Not only will this help men to impress the lady upon whom they have set their romantic sights, but it will hopefully also prevent my fellow female daters from suffering events such as this example of a date I would not wish on an enemy

So, without further delay, pay close attention to the following concepts – they may just help you towards date number two:

1. Don’t expect her to do all the organisation. If you want to impress a woman, take some initiative. Invite her to a suitable date location where neither of you will feel pressured. Dinner may be too intense, especially if you find you don’t get along immediately. But coffee, or a wine bar, or an ice-cream in the park might be just the ticket. Suggest a day and a time, offer to meet her outside if she’s nervous about going to a strange place alone. She probably spends all day organising her work, her home, her kids, her bills and her diary. The least romantic thing you can do is expect her to also organise the date.

2.  Treat her with respect. Whatever your views on feminism, opening doors for people of any gender is polite. If you can, offer to buy her the first drink. It may be old-fashioned and she may prefer to buy her own, but I think it’s well worth the cost of a magazine to avoid being seen as lacking in generosity. Talk to her face. You may think you are the king of subtlety when it comes to sneaking a peek at her tits, but believe me, we know. We just know.

3. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX. I cannot emphasise this enough. When you say something about how evil and manipulative your last wife / girlfriend was, we women simply assume that you’ll be saying the same about us one day. It also gives the impression that you’re still hung up on your previous partner and nobody, really nobody, wants to be your rebound girl.

4. Don’t be overly sexual. She knows you fancy her, or you wouldn’t have asked to meet her in the first place.  By all means tell her she looks nice, but there is no need to continually imply that you want to get her naked as soon as possible. Not only does it give the impression that you’re just looking for a quick fuck and couldn’t give a rat’s ass about her personality, dreams, interests and life, but it’s worth bearing in mind that she may have had some fairly aggressive sexual advances in the past. If she associates your behaviour with that of a sexual predator, I can guarantee you won’t be getting naked with her any time soon.

5.  Be honest. Women are, sadly, used to men who lie to them and if she suspects that you’re telling lies, her defences will rise faster than you can say “I came on the bus because my Audi is being repaired”. (For an example of how over-inflated claims can backfire, check this out). If you just want to get laid, don’t pretend you’re looking for a girlfriend. If you have no intention of calling her after the date, don’t pretend you want to see her again. If you don’t believe in monogamy, don’t pretend you’re a one-woman kind of guy. At worst, you could hurt her feelings. At best, you’re an arrogant time-waster. Sure – dating is a time-consuming minefield and it’s hard to find what you want. But there’s no need to be a twat about it.

That’s the tip of the iceberg but a good starting point for first date success. Please do add your own tips in the comments!