Now my darlings, believe me when I tell you that I soooo love to see when you’ve been reading my little musings. I can see from the site stats how many people are visiting, from where in the world you hail, and (subject to some sneaky encryption robots) the searches you have undertaken that led you to my blog.
There is one, single post, that blows all of the others out of the water. If a man over 40 has never been married gets up to 40 hits every day. Every day, from every continent, and more countries than I can count. Ladies, we clearly need to talk about this…
Now, for fear of unsettling those of you who were hanging on my every word, I stand by my original hypothesis… if he’s 40 and has never been either married, or in a marriage-equivalent relationship, you probably should ask yourself why. He may be a commitment-phobe, he may be unlucky in love, he may (let’s not kid ourselves) be a pervert, serial monogamist, or simply a chap no woman could tolerate long enough to tip-toe down the aisle.
He may possibly be a serial womaniser, or a jilted Cassanova. Judging by the searches that led my darling readers to my previous post, he may also be a 40-something man into girls aged less than 20. Not criminal, but equally not exactly healthy. You know who you are.
The sheer volume of (presumably) women who read that post would suggest that this is a question very prominent in the minds of the modern, dating lady. Rightly so, I would argue – we all need to analyse our potential partner and why he has evaded long-term commitment prior to the moment we batted our perfectly-made-up eyelids in his (quite frankly, lucky) direction.
But here’s the thing – and I say this from heart-felt and life-altering experience – even if he has been married, IT’S NO GUARANTEE OF DECENCY. I can honestly say that every man who has ever cheated on me was a divorced or soon-to-be-divorced man. Clearly, this is only my experience and by no means a universal rule but still… every one?! It’s a pattern, to be sure, and I can’t believe I’m the only woman with this history. Perhaps they’re the product of an unhappy marriage. Perhaps divorced men are bitter, hurting, or disenchanted with the concept of romantic love. Perhaps I attract narcissists who believe women are valuable only as a bed-post notch… or come to think of it, perhaps that’s the exact reason that those men are divorced. After all, I know plenty of married men who also have a girlfriend. Nuff said.
What do I think? I’m starting to believe that (cue a HUGE generalisation), women are predominantly givers and men are predominantly takers. Which works just fine for some couples, but not for me. If you find a man, divorced or otherwise, who treats you like a princess and loves you in spite of your flaws then you should judge him on his behaviour and principles. But if you find your relationship is surviving on a dynamic of you giving and him taking, perhaps it’s time for a serious conversation about expectations, or a trip to a relationship counsellor.
For the record, the only time I’ve been to a relationship counsellor with a significant other, the counsellor said I should leave him. Just saying.
An inability to commit is a red flag – for sure. But it’s not the be-all and end-all. As for me? Well, my experience would imply that men who are great in bed are often philanderers, and men who are not philanderers are, ahem, not so great in bed. I think I’ll get a dog for walks by the sea and cuddles in front of the TV. That’s companionship sorted, and as for sex with a consenting male human? Well, that’s a lot easier to come by than love.