So. Remember this?
Well, dear reader, a few weeks after this, he left me. I would say we split up because he wants someone to “fix” his life. He said we split up because I’m a “selfish, bitter, old cripple”. Either way and whomsoever you believe, it’s happened. He’s since apologised for his choice of words….
But the thing is, I seriously have been wondering whether perhaps he is right about me. It’s really knocked my confidence. Am I selfish? I have examined my behaviour and I really think that this is an unfair accusation. Certainly I don’t feel it was selfish to pay for the majority of our shopping because I had a job and he didn’t. I don’t feel it was selfish to offer to pay for him to visit relatives overseas. But perhaps I show my love financially and he needed something different. Fair enough. You can’t please all the people, all the time. Although, on reflection, I did also do a fair amount of cooking, mending and washing. Hmmm.
Am I bitter? Certainly it’s not easy being in chronic pain, holding down a stressful job, and living alone with a failing body that stops me doing most of the things I love. Maybe life has left me bitter? I guess it’s entirely possible. And I’m not old – but I am crippled. So I suppose the evidence suggests that he could be 50% correct about my faults. No doubt there are others. I didn’t ask.
Clearly there are a number of aspects of his personality that I would have preferred to change. I shan’t air my dirty laundry here, for fear of you losing your faith in men in the blink of your (no doubt) well-made-up eye. But my sister (who to be honest is not usually renowned for her empathy) made a good point. She says:
You can’t give up on someone just because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships are the ones where people care enough about one another to MAKE the relationship work.
It seems to me that I don’t have to worry about whether I was a perfect girlfriend. It doesn’t actually matter whether I have flaws. All that matters is that the people who love me – I mean truly love me – will love me in spite of my flaws. As I love them in spite of theirs, and sometimes even because of them. Especially those whose flaws involve champagne, glitter, parties and over-dressing.
Perfection never was the point of two people being in a relationship. Rather, the most successful couples are the ones who stick together through the tough times; who never give up; who accept that life is tricky and unpredictable; who are prepared to MAKE things work rather than hoping, praying, wishing or expecting things will work. Maybe they’ll succeed, maybe they won’t. But at least they will have given it their best shot.
As for me? Well history would imply that I’ll survive. If you’ve a penchant for bitter, old, cripples then why not give me a call. I could be just your cup of tea.