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I love Waitrose. For me, it’s a place where I can get glittery cupcakes, fresh bread and polite company. The cafe has real cutlery, not plastic knives. They can cater for the gluten-free, and the vegetarians. And they have never yet said to me:

I’m sorry love; we’ve run out of potatoes

(This was once said to me in Sainsbury’s cafe. It is beyond my comprehension how a cafe IN A SUPERMARKET could run out of potatoes. But I digress.)

So. Back to Waitrose. I know it’s a bit pricey, but see it as a place where I feel at home. It’s like my mothership. I don’t go very often, partly due to convenience and partly due to price. But when I do go, I like the way the lady in the pretty uniform wraps my 99p cupcake in paper and places it in a fancy box. It’s something I do to cheer myself up when I feel an attack of the mubblefubbles coming on. So imagine my complete horror when, whilst pottering aimlessly around my kitchen last week, I spotted this:


Now I know I’m a bit of a pedant when it comes to things like this. But really Waitrose; stir fry’s? STIR FRY’S? I suspect your sesame oil is ideally suited to noodle recipe’s? Is it great for dinner party’s? Shall I stop the laboured example’s now?

I’m not cross – I’m just disappointed. I feel that Waitrose has let me down, let the public down and, worst of all, has let itself down. It’s no longer an upholder of standards. This may well be the beginning of the end of life as we know it. I’ve wondered whether I should perhaps write to the Queen, or the Prime Minister, or the Waitrose proofreading department…

Sigh. I guess it’s back to Marks and Spencer then.