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Bridget Jones, commitment, Daniel Cleaver, Dating, divorce, kinky, men, Relationships, Romeo and Juliet, single, womaniser, womanizer, Women
UPDATE: I have a second article on this topic… Check out part 2!
When a woman in her late 30s is dating, there’s a fair chance she’ll date some men in their 40s. Many of these men will be on the dating scene having previously been married; if anything, divorcees are the dating norm nowadays.
But if you are the aforementioned woman and you find you are dating a fella over 40 who has never been married, or at least in a co-habiting, long-term marriage-equivalent relationship, is it always that case that there is a reason for his eternal singledom?
This question reminds me of a rather perceptive quotation from the terrifyingly-accurate fictional doyenne of dating, Bridget Jones:
Will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts.
You see, modern dating causes the smart girl to ask WHY her current squeeze has never managed to make it work with a woman. I should add, at this juncture, that I’m sure there are similar questions relating to 40+ women on the dating scene but, never having dated any women, I only feel qualified to speculate about the male of the species. I’m sure there are equally damning perceptions from both sides of that particular fence. Feel free, dear reader, to add your experiences of crazy cat-ladies and such like in the comments section…
So. You’ve been on a few dates with Mr Could-be-right. But you’re asking yourself how he has managed to avoid a committed, semi-successful relationship thus-far and whether you should therefore be seriously considering him as a prospect? I suggest that you ask yourself whether he falls neatly into any of the following categories:
1. The Daniel Cleaver
Part-sexaholic, part emotional fuckwit, the Daniel Cleaver has never been married because, put simply, it would make it tricky for him to remain a womaniser. He likes, nay LOVES, women. But only ever on a temporary basis. He’s very charming, great in bed, knows all the right lines and can successfully convince you that he wants to find “the one”. But actually, it’s all about the chase and his enthusiasm wanes significantly once you start to demonstrate some sort of romantic attachment towards him. You can sometimes identify a Daniel Cleaver by the power of social media: his Facebook profile is locked down tighter than that of an MI5 agent, yet his status updates are “liked” by reams of women and rarely any men. If you met him on a dating website, the minute you ask him if you two can become “exclusive”, he’ll block you (claiming that he has deleted his profile) so that you can’t see his dating activity. You get the picture.
2. The commitment-phobe
These are the guys who you might describe as serial-monogamists. They genuinely do want to find “the one” but regardless of how many well-suited women they date, the relationship never lasts. Almost always in this situation, she leaves him rather than him ending the relationship. He’s faithful, loved-up, and incapable of seeing his life any differently than he’s always seen it, meaning that to actually commit to a woman long-term is impossible, as it would change his life. The mere concept of change utterly terrifies him. This chap is not deliberately single; if anything, he desperately wants to be in a fulfilling relationship. But he subconsciously pushes against togetherness due to the phobia of losing some control, independence, sense of self, or the horror that is a woman who might leave the scatter cushions in the wrong order.
3. The workaholic
This is the man who defines himself by his job. His perception of himself is entirely based on his perception of his success at work. He’s more than likely well-paid and well-respected, and obsessed with demonstrating his success at life-in-general through status symbols. He’ll have a nice car, he’ll own a nice house, and wear decent suits. But his status-anxiety leads him to believe that work is the single most important aspect of a man and this leaves little space in his schedule for devoting to a gerbil, never mind relationships. Nuff said.
4. The star-crossed Romeo
Remember Romeo and Juliet? Their love for each other was intense, to the exclusion of all rational thought. Romantic? For sure. This chap has loved a woman with all his heart. He may even have been engaged to the love of his life but, whether through circumstance, ill judgement, or even by having loved a woman who simply did not return his love, he can never again find a woman who can match up to “her”. She WAS “the one”. She cannot be replaced. Just like Romeo and Juliet, it is tragic, heart-breaking, and in the end he dies alone. Quite probably through no fault of his own. Nobody ever said that life was fair.
5. The Pervert
Probably an unfair description, but as the Bridget Jones system of classification is working, I’ll stick with it for now. This chap will seem very “normal” until he gets you near his bedroom. You may even have been dating him for a little while (because obviously, dear reader, you wouldn’t get your knickers off on the first date, now would you?). But once the relationship turns physical, you’ll start to see increasing evidence of his, let’s call them “preferences”. Perhaps you’re locked in a passionate, post-dinner snog, when suddenly he refers to you as his “little bitch”. Or maybe you’re at his place looking for somewhere to charge your phone, when you happen upon his extensive collection of butt-plugs and handcuffs. Either way, you’ll know it’s time to take your leave when you get the feeling that he’s never going to get his kicks without a touch of deviance that is a little outside your comfort zone. Far be it from me to criticise anyone’s bedroom antics, but you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s never married because he’s never found a wife who is willing to explore his deviances (and “special toys”) for the next three or four decades.
Feel free to add to this list ladies. I’m sure I’ve only scraped the surface. Who have I missed?…
x
The eternal pursuit of love and laughter 
Well there is a very excellent reason why many of us good men are still single today. First of all, with so many women sleeping around with different men all the time that like to party and get real wasted tells the whole true story right there. And they will never be able to settle down with just only one man anyway.
thats not true. its a fact that 90% of men cheats. go visit the divorce courts. it was stated in a survey too. some women do too i agree but surveys shows 33%.
its sad and best for people to find happiness within themselves there are lots to do so many things to explore.
i think social media has a biggg role to play in cheating nowadays. thing is if they want to cheat they will. nowadays lying and cheating seems to be the norm. scary…..
Well, if you are in academic, you need to be a workaholic if you want to keep your job;and do not h the benefit of a high salary. If you are a man, that makes you very unattractive. Let’s say you get you PhD at age 32, as it usually happens. Add two years of post-doc, which makes 34. Let’s suppose you are lucky to get into a tenure-track position: that means six more years of pressure, stress, and pulling the occasional (or frequent) all-nighter. If you do everything properly, you will finally get tenure at 40; that’s when you start dating, which you never have had the time to do before. Women shall ask you: “Why are you not married?” When they learn you are an academic, they will either move to the next one, or settle with you for lack of anything better. By the way, if you do not get tenure by age 40, then you have to start all over again, at another university, if they do not think you are too old to be hired. If you are in the sciences, you might get a corporate job; if you are in the humanities and fine arts, all you will get is laughter. The joke is on you.
People have different lives he could’ve been raised by his mother and no father and have mental health issues that tends too scare slot of people and also could be physical or have adhd and also domestic violence. Also issues with women like Harvey Weinstein a creeper or no interests in women or gay.
i have to agree with soneone else and also micheal above.
Fuck you🖕
Haha. Is it your eloquence that women love so much? Have a great day, darling. X
I’m going to add another reason. Being an Asian man, I have been educated by my culture to become successful in school and career. When I was younger, I was told that Asian men tend to become full mature and attractive when they hit 40’s because they tend to look young and be late-bloomers. And therefore I have been working hard to achieve my goals whether job-wise or school-wise. I’m in my 40’s now but people often mistake me as a 20 something. Also, when you have a PhD and have experienced a lot of things, it’s hard to settle down with women who only talk about shallow things. Race could also play an important role. In American society, Asian men are not placed in a good light although I have never had a problem dating outside my race. However, I strongly believe that without the negative image of Asian men, I would be much more popular considering my success in career and education.
i want to add if i may that zillions of people are broken. its best to stay single as there are lots to do nowadays as well as most importantly no one i repeat no one needs someone to feel whole. its a myth that one has to have someone to be complete. one can only find happiness within oneself. no other person on earth are responsible for your own happiness. i do however think cause of expectations and quick bail outs etc people get broken and some never recover. people want to believe in love and marriage and thats ok. Will you ever be ready? No. But question is ARE you ready to jump in with both feet and most are not. it comes nowadays with conditions etc the I AM I WANT etc The world are changing fast and i say i rather be an eagle flying solo be content with who i am reaching out to those in need than to join the masses in heartbreak and despair. its not easy i know. The I AM I WANT is a big problem worldwide.
Sorry, but I don’t quite understand your point. My point is that Asian people tend to get married late because 1. they spend more time on pursuing success in school and career because of their culture, 2. they look younger compared to other races. Therefore, they look more mature when they hit 40’s.
no point just a thoughrt i had.
I’m a Black woman and I have dated a few asian men but never again. They were just not masculine enough. I think that’s the problem with asian men.
Have you considered the fact that you think women “talk about shallow things” might be affecting your chances? I am successful in my education and career, also. We don’t all think about nothing but lipstick and shoes! Your comments about race are very interesting. As a white person I have never experienced racial bias, but if your experiences suggest that this is affecting your love life, then I am very sorry to hear that people are so narrow minded. X
Well, it takes two to tango. While labelling an individual is convenient to make one feel better about themselves and not take the time for deep introspection, it does more harm than good and steers one away from the real reasons why people delay marriage, aside of financial and economical strains.
Certainly, higher education and career ambitions delay personal goals like getting married and raising a family. At the same time, one must choose wisely when considering a mate. The fact that relationships fail 50% of the time is indicative of the following factors:
1) Poor social skills
2) Poor upbringing; but you cannot blame this all on your parents. At some point you have to take responsibility for your own shortcomings and try to become a better version of your current self
3) Unrealistic expectations in a mate
4) Incompatible values and ideals
5) Self-confidence issues, emotional baggage that has not been handled
6) Significant disparities in intellectual capacity (to echo the sentiment above regarding shallow conversations)
7) A very small dating pool to choose from; especially for successful professionals who value pragmatism, traditional values and being good social citizens
The problem lies with both sexes. Both men and women need to step up their games. As a medical student, you would think that I have access to the creme of the crop when it comes to members of the opposite sex. The intellectual capacity box is ticked, however deficiencies do lie in the other aforementioned characteristics when I look at prospective mates.
People need to strengthen their weaknesses and expand their knowledge by reading more and getting off the Internet; a technological innovation that has exacerbated laziness as opposed to inspiring industriousness in the majority of the population.
So let us view this discussion from a different lens: if you’re not already in a successful marriage/relationship and not raising happy well-adapted kids, you’re either not ready yourself for one reason or another, or you are ready but you have yet to find a compatible mate to continue your life journey with. Viewing your situation from a mature and objective perspective can help you work on deficiencies you have to improve yourself and to look more closely at desirable characteristics when searching for a mate, allowing you to better vet your prospects. It will also remove whatever negative stigma you attach to someone being single and vice versa.
Stay positive and objective, friends.
Very well said, John. I agree that we all should take our time looking for a compatible mate to share life with in order to divert the ugliness of divorce. Although I do agree with your views on the internet (there’s a reason why it’s called the inter “net” and the world wide “web”), it has greatly expanded my reach as a musician. But that’s for another post.
As a man in his 40s who hasn’t managed to find a long lasting love…. I find this patronising depressing and basically insulting. Fuck you. 🙂
Thank you Romeo. Have you considered whether your short temper might be hindering your love life? X
Just browsing the net and I arrive in here three years later. But never too late as to tell you, hag, that we real men stay well away from you know it alls fake sense of superiority modern liberal women. It’s you who have issues with us leading you to over-theorise. We know exactly what’s in store and we don’t buy. Better single and with my dignity intact than married into a Misery-like movie with any of the likes of you. The most evil beings I have met in my life have all been either women or male feminists.
PS 1: I really pity the vampirised guy or whatever you might have found as a “life partner”.
PS 2: the article, which basically lists all kinds of psychos not truly that ubiquitous, it’s simply a recount of your poor life choices presented as a supposedly humorous tale.
I don’t think you can categorize men in that easy manner. We can sense the anger in your post. humanity is so diverse. look for the beauty in people. internal or external, attach yourself to that and don’t be too much of a shrink.
Hi Josh, actually I was just joking. It was a light-hearted jokey post and that’s why I always invite other people (including men) to share their experiences. I’m amazed everyone has taken it so seriously. X
Awesome Josh!!!
Im not any of those and have never been married you judgemental piece of garbage.
Hi Nathan Springer, thanks for your informed commentary on this topic. I especially liked the irony of you calling me judgemental and then judging me. Have a lovely day, darling. X
Many men in their 40s are not interested in succumbing to the enslaving, soul-sucking lifestyle forced on them by an ever-expanding materialistic western capitalist industrial empire. Since the majority of women are fully content to build their nest and seek security within the confines of that life-draining culture, men who know better have a tough time finding girls who think outside of the box. Some men are just too spiritually mature to settle for women who are still content with working 50 hours a week to afford a $1600/mo apartment in a city so they can sip $7 lattes and discuss kate spade’s suicide with their “woke” gender non-binary hillary clinton-supporting bourgeoisie faux radical craft beer factory-working hipster friends. that–in short–is a wasteful, egocentric life.
Thank you, darling, for your contribution. I for one cannot imagine why you might be struggling to find a life partner. Chin up. X
You’re assuming he’s trying to find a “life partner”!
Thanks for that , your response really cheered me up .
amen to this. if a woman wants to be part of that world/society i admittedly question how much of a person who can think for themselves/stand on there own that they really are. i get wanting to be a part of it but also don’t get wanting to be a part of it even more so don’t understand really why someone would want to be other then to be a slave/sheep to familarity/ritual. is way more to life then our society and being a part of it in a 9-5 or the things that money can buy. i am not a good self sufficent catch yet at 26 but anybody who’s looking at me to be a sugar daddy/provider for them or at why my past stuff didn’t work and is judging me based on that can kiss off tbh because people shift, change and grow/relationships should be about the experiences being had by the people and NOT what each can provide materially to the other arguably. peace, much love/namaste, kevin
Thank you for your comment Kevin. I didn’t understand all of it, but I can assure you that I and most women I know earn more than their boyfriend or husband, so are not hoping for him to provide materially for them. Have a lovely day. X
Nice try, but you cannot shame men into committing to you or marrying you. If older men don’t like you, then you are probably guilty of the things that you have listed in your article (and are projecting onto men). I’m sure that you have had plenty of beta orbiters in your “friend” zone who would have married you and gave you the world when you were younger, but now that they are all taken and the rich guys don’t want you, you are bitter.
How darling of you to project and assume in this way. I was married. I divorced him. I’m now much happier in my current long term relationship. So, not bitter at all. And also not after a “rich guy”, as I’m financially independent. Have a lovely day. X
One important category has been missed. Those of us who are physically unattractive to the opposite sex.
As I read this article, I tried to figure out which category I fell in. Rob wins. I’ve been told that I’m a “great guy”, good listener, good sense of humor, a caring person, blah, blah. I have many female friends. But a closer relationship never develops.
I’m in the same boat as you and Rob. All that b.s. about being a great guy, etc. just amounts to friendzone prison. If a woman you’ve fallen for doesn’t think you’re attractive and have sex appeal in the first minute you meet her, she never will. I do think some of us are cursed to have terrible luck at love no matter what. I’m 61 years old and look forward to death now because every woman I’ve ever fallen for has given me the same compliments about being a great guy, but they always fall for somebody else. I realized a few years ago that it was never gonna happen for me and now I really hope I don’t have to go on past 75 or so.
Obviously this article was written by a bitter, single shell of a woman who has given up all hope of ever finding love in this life again, and who wants to make sure that everyone else is too paranoid and fearful to ever find love, either (mysery loves company). I think that it is funny that a divorced woman is calling a never married middle aged man a “commitment-phobe”. A divorced person has obviously failed to keep their previous commitment “to have and to hold” (presumably because they previously settled for the wrong person, obviously), and these divorced women want to pass judgement on the never married person who was strong enough to remain single rather than settle for second-best (like all of the divorcees obviously did)? Why is no one asking what is wrong with a divorced person, that she failed to keep her previous commitment (I.E.: marriage)? If she cannot be trusted to stay committed (married) to her previous husband, then what makes you think that her commitment to YOU means anything? If she was so desperate to get married to the first loser who came along and proposed to her before, what makes you think that she is not settling when she decides to marry YOU?
Thank you for your thoughts Randy G. It never fails to fascinate me that this little article, which was really written as a light-hearted joke, is taken so very seriously by angry men. I can only assume that you are happily married to an adoring wife, given your keen psychological insights into how women think (especially the assumption that I divorced my husband due to my behaviour, not his) which leads me to wonder why you are spending your time reading articles about unmarried men? Aren’t people peculiar! Anyway, have a delightful day, my dear. Much love to you and yours. X
And I find it interesting that my light hearted comment was interpreted by you as “angry”. Your assumptions about MY motives says more about your state of mind than it does about mine, so it would appear that you are the one who, perhaps, has latent anger issues. At the very least, your “light hearted” article is literally mocking people for making unconventional lifestyle choices (Surprise, people don’t have to get married just to prove to society that their is nothing wrong with them – that’s a bad reason to get married.). My aunt died at age 85 never having married, and she did not seem to fit into any of your categories, and if I wrote an article mocking her for remaining single until death that basically suggested that all single women were whores or crazy, I wonder how many angry women would be tearing me apart in the comment section?
Why am I reading articles like this? The simple answer is usually the best one: boredom, and curiosity about what the other half talks about when I’m not around.
PS: Incidentally, being judgmental and tearing down people who are different than you by mocking them doesn’t or make you look like a better person; even if you thinly disguise your envy and hate as a light hearted joke. The rest of us see through what you are doing, and we pity your obvious leakinesses rather than admire your apparent strength. Just saying.
“…A psychological study decided there are two types of people when it comes to relationships. There are those who are happier and more fulfilled in a relationship. Then there are those who achieve the same level of satisfaction by being alone. The latter of these people would, at a time, be a misnomer in society. People used to see them as not emotionally stable enough to maintain a relationship.
But new studies show that this is not the case. These people are generally not the ones who will enter an ill-advised marriage. It is the people who don’t know how or who don’t want to be alone who land into bad relationships and then into the wrong marriage. These people tend to be so overwhelmed by their need to be coupled, they lower their standards. Or even worse, they sugarcoat the person they are currently dating.
This kind of solution may work in the short run when it comes to avoiding loneliness, but once married to the wrong person, the loneliness will begin to show itself again. The difference being that this time, it is not that easy to get out the relationship. It is not a simple case of breaking up and then moving on.
Divorce is not something anyone wants to go through. Therefore, you should avoid it at all costs. So, for those people who are relationship people, as tempting as it may be to settle, don’t do it. Resist the temptation and stick it out until the right person comes along…”
https://self-made.io/18-red-flags-that-indicate-you-shouldnt-marry-the-person-youre-dating/5947/
“…People say there’s a formula for life. You may have heard you have to perform several steps in the correct order to be successful and happy. These steps include going to school and getting good grades. Then going to a university and getting a degree. The next step is getting a job and meeting the perfect partner.
After that, it’s getting married, buying a house and having kids. And the final step is retiring at 60. This is the plan society lays out for everyone, yet it doesn’t fit everyone. Some people don’t like studying, while others don’t want to have kids. And then there are some people who just don’t want to get married.
You might be tempted to say these people just haven’t found the right person. But that is giving in to a flawed model. Marriage is not for everyone. It’s as simple as that. You don’t have to get married to be happy.
You don’t have to get married to be successful. A person should get married only because they want to. A person should never be forced into marriage. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married, you have some thinking to do. Is it because this person doesn’t want to get married?
Or is it because they don’t want to marry you? This may be a hard pill to swallow, but it is vital to ask the question. If they don’t believe in marriage, there may be other questions you need to ask. Do you expect them to change their principles, or do you think you can change yours? Those aren’t realistic expectations…”
https://self-made.io/18-red-flags-that-indicate-you-shouldnt-marry-the-person-youre-dating/5947/
Dated number 2 who had hints of number 3 and 1 (good job, good in bed knew all the right lines).
I ended up leaving him after three years since i was unhappy, we still didn’t live together, our lives where entirely independant of each other, had still never met his mother didn’t look like it was on the horizon, only saw each other a couple of time a month and he never considered my time or feelings about things and flat out refused to let me plan even small dates.
It was always “things will be better next year, its not the right time” every year. I ended up concluding we where in love with a future that was never going to happen, not each other.
Enjoy your new perpetual status as Romeo mate.
I never said that I wanted to be a “perpetual Romeo”; you are merely jumping to a conclusion and assuming the worst because YOU decided to setttle for a disfunctional relationship with a man who was emotionally unavailable, rather than hold out for someone who was actually compatible with you (so you waisted two years of your life because you ere too weak to remin singlewhile yo waited for someone else). That’s your mistake, mate, not mine.
The writer of this is a complete fukwit who has obviously formed their view due to acute personel experiences, their negative personel experiences have most likely been a result of their acting like a fukwit from a very young age.
This kind of person should not even be given reasons for conversation. Ov written some very dry and dark comedy before, this sounds like conviction, with no self reflection, which makes sense to the personality type who assumes they are perfect.
*fuckwit
X
*personal
X
I dated a man who has never been married and has never had any children and never actually lived with women or had a long-term relationship I couldn’t figure out why untill the time the time came we decided to be sexually intimate and I found out he was sexually inadequate and infertile which put a damper on his self-esteemso he felt he was not worthy of true love and thought that no one could ever truly love him for this reason so his relationships were always kept at a distance for fear of being judged or unworthy
I’m now in my early 50’s, I stopped dating nearly 30 years ago, the reason, I didn’t enjoy sexual intercourse, it didn’t and still doesn’t feel right, it wasn’t until maybe 10 years or so ago when I first got a computer (yes I am behind the times), I discovered that there were others who experience similar feelings, also that there’s a term for it, I’m not nice looking, I’m not vastly overweight, but I am overweight, women always saw me as desperate due to my looks, they basically used me to boost their ego, cheating on their partners, I was too stupid to realise this back then, luckily, not many wanted sex, those that did, again, luckily only two ladies, found that I was useless in the act of intercourse, (it made me feel horrible if I’m honest), I was even told that they thought I was desperate because I’m “so ugly” it did put a damper on my self esteem, it did also bring to reality the fact that I was/am destined to be single, although I don’t often go out, when I do, I am totally invisible to anyone outside of those I go out with, I don’t judge it as unworthy, I’m just one of those who is destined to stay single.
That’s just the point of view from a 51 year old male, I certainly don’t feel judged when being told I’m “ugly” men are just the same about women, I know my asexuality also works against me, I also accept that society has certain feelings towards anyone of my age who hasn’t been married or had kids, it’s the way of the world, it’s what’s expected and accepted within society, some of us just aren’t meant to be with someone else, whether asexual or not, there’s plenty of others like me, it just took me a long time to realise that.
You sound like a lovely chap. Wishing you happiness xx
There are specialist dating sites for people who prefer asexual / aromantic relationships and it’s a perfectly acceptable way to live. You shouldn’t have to do something you don’t enjoy. Wishing you happiness. X
I been engaged twice: Early 20s which she left me. She thought I didn’t love her and other things. I’ll admit, I had no career or job, and over weight. I did have goals and tried to reach them. We was together for 4 years.
Second time I was engaged was in my late 30s, we been in relationships six years. I currently in my early 40s. She an alcoholic, I been supported, and more. In long run, I knew I needed to move on because she burn me in many ways a woman should never burn a guy. Its the same if it was the other way around. Hard lesson, you cannot change person who don’t want to change.
Current personal reflections: I have come far from what I was 20 years ago. I own my own home, lost weight and kept it off for over 20 years. I have a career, and working on higher degree. I have dated women from what I like to outside my box. Yes, I have dated women who have children too. From the thin to the over weight, from short to taller then me. Some relationship I broke up because lack of commutations. Some we just didn’t click, few because I didn’t have a degree that is equal or higher then theirs. That one really hurt the most.
To the Point: Its not that I am not trying, I do want to get married. But the slogan nice guy finish last is very true. I haven’t gave up. Its just going to take more time then others. I don’t do the norm, go out to clubs or bars, I rather go to the gym, or train for half marathons, or do a painting skill class. Learning new things fun.
Something never mentioned here. I was hit by a drunk driver in my early 20s. TBI. Took almost 15 years to get back to fairly normal. another 10 to operate in public. So, it’s not always what you think when someone is still single. It’s not always a choice, but nasty fate
Same sort of deal here. Diagnosed with chronic kidney disease in my teens, was sick through most of my early 20s ended up on dialysis shortly after my 24th birthday, I had a kidney transplant at 25, gained a bunch of weight due to all the medications I was on and was no longer attractive. It took me 10 years to get most of the weight off and about the time I got to looking decent again at age 34 the kidney transplant failed (probably because I convinced the doctors to take me off some of the drugs to help me lose weight) and I ended up back on dialysis again and had to have another transplant and gained all the weight back and then some. I am now 47 and looking forward to the end of my life. I am just so done here on this planet, nothing to live for anymore and really wish I had died when I was 24. Never had a girlfriend, never been in a relationship, never even had sex with a woman. Oh well, some people are just damned from birth.
Oh sweetie, sounds to me like you need some counselling. You’ve had an awful time and need to rebuild your self confidence. Get some help and feel better x
I appreciate you’ve had a tough time, in 48 and still single! It’s just not a deal breaker anymore, try and talk to someone about feeling down but let it get you that down, there are loads of other avenues and interests to explore even if you remain single, I have met women and men who never met anyone and seem to be really happy and content. Worse case scenario and it never happens? So what!
I feel ya. You’re not missing out on much with ‘sex with a woman’, so don’t feel bad. A big thing for me was realizing that it’s totally OK for me to myself, it’s only a matter of “when”.
Sometimes it’s just the way things work out. I’m 62 and by choice, stopped dating for nearly 20 years. Then I happened to meet a man 3 years younger and somehow after being friends for about a year, we realized that it had gone beyond that. Nearly three years have passed and we are now engaged with the wedding scheduled in May. He was never married, nor ever lived with anyone. Yet he’s kind, intelligent, hasn’t ever done drugs and is an all around nice man. So, guess there really are still a few good guys out there. 🙂
That’s fantastic!! Have a wonderful wedding. X
Women are worthless, money and soul sucking leeches these days. I wouldn’t advise any man to get married. I wouldn’t even advise men to date these days with the metoo bitches running rampant. Let the cunts get cats for companionship.
Thanks for your comments, Mike. It’s a mystery to me why you are single. X
Right on.
Fucking whores.
Ooh! A real, live misogynist! X
Sex is absolutely boring with more than 80% of women; they are also intellectually inferior and completely lack sense of purpose so they get guided by feelings, which messes up any real mess to the point of paroxism. I have dated many and now at 51, having “failed” as the hag who wrote the article as a “light hearted joke” I can tell you I wish I hadn’t met half of them. Women can be also incredibly cruel, evil and insensitive; i.e. when my mother died my then girlfriend enjoyed telling me that I had killed her on purpose by not caring for her (something absolutely untrue). In my whole life I could say I have met only two or three respectable women. All of them outcast by their peers.
I take care of my impaired sister and have lost a daughter kidnapped by a Russian woman who got me into believe she was about to marry me (I was temporarily out of my native land) only to have their Intelligentsia friends death threatening me if I didn’t leave after she got pregnant. That wouldn’t have happened hadn’t I been so gullible about the real nature of women. I’m not saying I will never marry, but I know the market is really small.
Assuming that women are intellectually inferior when, in fact, they do better at a lot of academic tasks than males, might be why you’re struggling. You’re already looking for “faults” in the women you meet because you have a preconceived idea of their capabilities. Being “guided by feelings” is no bad thing, as long as there’s a rational equivalent tempering it at the same time. Feelings are essential to relationships – the very basis of human connection. I’m very sorry to hear how your family has suffered. That’s a lot to deal with. X
I will carefully think about what you say, in fact I had been giving thoughts to a similar idea and I try to approach people from the positive side. I couldn’t do it before, really. I don’t know many women excelling academically but I could be wrong. That does not compensate for the “intellectual” ones I’ve met being incredible bitches, something like Lisa Simpson which is not merely a stereotype. Sorry if my English is faulty at times but my native language is Rioplatense Spanish. Regards.
I have thought about this for a very long time why I have never been in a relationship and the honest answer is that I never had a reason to try. I own my own house, work and am debt free. I look after myself and my house as well. I’m sure I could make excuses but they would all be a lie.
Relationship vs. Romantic friendship ….. religion teaches us to be agenda based ( relationship ) & shuns friendship romance . Spent 25 through 34 on a 60 schooner watching men get pregnant trapped . learning to read personality,s who to avoid and who to take intrest in …. I think MGTOW sums up why what is now called bromance has become so predominate in our society over the last 30 years … Read what the man shared just above me here …. pretty much sums up my life as well … I’m never married , 56 , and because I have a healthy bank account , am modest , I find myself dating women in there 20s and 30s looking for a gold mine … All comes back to the core values of an unhealthy society full of movie drama and the true fact that ya can mostly buy anything you want …. Most be they man or woman have an agenda and to many use pregnancy to find a dead ended future of grief distroying them self as well as there children … No there is no value in relationships … and women do not want friendship …
Will you people please proofread and correct mistaks! *mistakes
There are also men that have gone MGTOW or red pill, as an example. Due to female nature being hypergameous, seeking financial aid from men and crushing men in divorce courts are just a few reasons men 40 and older have not married. Seventy to 80% of women initiate divorce. Divorce rates for first marriages hover around 50% and even higher for second marriages. Why would any guy in his right mind get married nowadays…no guy wants to fund a woman’s dream of owning a luxury interior design/furniture store as a hobby while he is out really bringing in the bread.
Fourth wave feminism is destroying western dating culture. Men don’t care nor have access to a woman’s wealth. We don’t care what you do for a career. Men that get married are traditionally looking to have children and take care of his family. And, preferably, she stays home with the children to play an important matriarchal role in their lives. Instead of forking out tons of money monthly so the children stay with stranger while the mother pursues a career.
There are many more reasons.
Most of the women I know earn more than their husbands. Logically, he should stay home and care for the children while she is the breadwinner, no?
This is an interesting article. I think you missed a few reasons.
I do identity with one of the reasons on it and see one partial where a few of the points match.
My situation is being socially awkward, growing up watching divorces in my family almost for my while childhood, and watching on and off relationships where one or both of my friends that were dating would be cheating on each other for “reasons.”
Add that I work allot, as my career choice means I’m not home as much as I’d like, and as my first point, many guys that work away from home have a very difficult time getting and keeping a girlfriend much less a relationship.
Where I’m hopeful I can find someone, I’m letting go of allot of the ideas I picked up watching and hearing about divorce.
I’m still cautious, however, I’m hopeful unicorns exist.
I hope you find a lovely person who will appreciate your qualities. X
What about men and women who have been abused or neglected as children or traumatized as an adult that make relationships hard for them? Do you consider what their current financial or life hardships they might be currently experiencing? Do you even ask yourself why men or women do some of these things you have observed and stated? Or do you just put everyone in a category and shame them and then pass it off as it’s just a joke?
Sweetie, if I were writing a PhD on why people do what they do, then all those things you mention would be relevant. In a quick blog post I wrote years and years ago, no I’m not going to delve into people’s psychological trauma. That’s for their therapist. X
Then why make your blog post titled “If a man over 40 has never been married, there’s always a reason” yet you do not even include those reasons. I understand you’re not a therapist or writing a phD so do not need to delve into it, but again you pretend to know all the other reasons and “delve” into those and shame/invalidate men and everyone commenting. Of course you are entitled to your own opinions, but at the end of your blog post why then write “Feel free to add to this list ladies. I’m sure I’ve only scraped the surface. Who have I missed?…” I am a lady wanting to add to your list, but I feel you are missing some key points and I am being dismissed and invalidated. And please don’t call me sweetie, you don’t know me, I am not your sweetie, and I don’t appreciate it.