Dear men… tell me one thing. Or “Why do I only attract men with girlfriends?”


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Hello chaps. I’m aware I usually write for a mostly female audience, but today I have a special task for you! A survey, if you will….

I’m seeking information about a recurrent situation. Specifically: men who approach me, claiming they would like a serious relationship, but who later turn out to be attached. For the record I have never (as far as I’m aware) slept with a married man (except my ex husband. When he was married to me, I might add). But I recently realised that of the most recent ten men who have asked to date me, taken me out for meals, phoned me daily, and declared their undying affection for me, 9 have turned out to have a secret wife, girlfriend or fiancee! To be clear – 90% of the men who have approached me (and not the other way around) in the past 3 years, who I have clearly spoken with about whether we were both single, and who have told me that they want a monogamous relationship with me, have told me they were available when they weren’t.


So here is my question: what is it about a woman that attracts only attached men?

I cannot believe that all men are liars. But my own personal statistics do not paint a pretty picture of male fidelity…. I don’t wear short skirts, in fact I don’t dress in any revealing manner. Nor have I met all of these men in the same way – some were online dates, some were friends of friends, some I met at social occasions. So I’m very intrigued to find the reason for their similar, deceitful behaviours.

Tell me: what is it that attracts a man who wants to cheat?

I have my own theory, which is that I must present a drama-free persona that is somehow attractive to men in less-than-happy relationships. By this, I mean that I am not needy or desperate (and actually have a rather content single life), I look after my appearance, I’m financially and emotionally independent, I have no children, and I’m successful in terms of owning a home / holding down a good job / enjoying various hobbies and a wide circle of friends. I can only presume that, to a man with a roving eye, this must appear to be a suitable set of skills to look for in a mistress?

The thing is, I DON’T WANT to be “the other woman”. I’ve never wanted that. I didn’t build my happy life by being anyone’s second best and I’ve no desire to adopt such a methodology at middle age. Why do these men feel it is acceptable to lie to my face? And why, oh why, do they think that I’ll never discover their secret lives? I’m losing count of the number of girlfriends and fiances I’ve tracked down through a bit of simple research and alerted to their cheating partner’s – ahem – extra-curricular activities….

So chaps (and also ladies with any knowledge to share on this issue): what is it about me that attracts the cheats and the liars? Is there a “make me your mistress” pheromone?! Answers in the comments, if you please!